IndiGlow - The Ordinary Illuminated

IndiGlow - The Ordinary Illuminated


Saturday, December 13, 2014


Private Davis is at the back

of the room, mostly

to mend his mother.  She wants him

free of rounds and shells and sand

on fire.  I watch him:  a boy, crew cut,

T-shirt, fatigues folded at the foot

of his childhood bed.

We practice our yoga, breathe and breath taken

for granted.

He is built for M16s,

blast and calm, dares to do it.

He could kill a man.  Has.

He could offer a cupped palm to a starving dog.

All I can do is offer him a few inches of space

on a rubber mat,

and breath and breathe.

Finding My Center After the Storm

Saturday, September 07, 2013

I'm watching Turkey Buzzards circling over my backyard as I sit and work in my office on this peaceful Saturday morning.  Through the other window I see an intricate spider web attached to the eaves of the roof swaying in the gentle breeze.  My 3 children have spent the morning playing, disagreeing, making-up, and playing some more.  There is such peace and fullness in my heart/mind at this moment.  I'm reminded of the word purnam, or "perfection," which, in this context, does not mean what we might think.  I am full...I am whole...I am perfectly content in my spirit as I observe the fluctuations of the world around me.   

After the longest Winter of my life (which bled into the Spring and even early Summer), I am refreshed to find the ground beneath my feet again.  It felt like a metaphorical hurricane swept through my life and left me completely demolished internally.  

After a month of testing in January, my son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism.  While I had suspected this for the 5 years prior to his diagnosis, there was still a part of me wishing they would tell me I was wrong on that emotional day.  

The day before I drove to Chicago for this news, I learned that my father was diagnosed with another form of cancer (he had beat Prostate Cancer years before).  My relationship with my Dad has not been a close one, and so I was left with a mixture of feelings, including grief and fear.  

It was a hell-of-a week, and I took a few days to try to assimilate all of this news.  And then...that following Friday as I was waiting in the pick-up line at school I received a terrifying call from my mother.  She was having a stroke!  I spent the next week in and out of the hospital with shifts with my brother as we worried what would happen next.  Once released, she came to live with me for a few weeks so I could care for her, which included sorting out all of her new meds, helping her learn to give herself insulin shots 4 times a day (for her out of control diabetes), cooking heart-healthy meals, and more.  I was happy to do it, but I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

By the grace of God, her stroke did not leave her completely handicapped.  While it certainly affected her, with time & rehab she regained most of her speech, balance, and abilities.  It was life-changing for her (and for all of us who love her), and she made incredible lifestyle changes in an effort to avoid another stroke.

Now, months later, we're all doing pretty damn well!  My father & I have become closer than we've been in years, and his cancer is under control at the moment.  My mother lives independently with a helper now who comes twice a week, and she continues to be stronger everyday.  My son, well...of course there is no cure for Autism, but we've been able to get him a 504 at school, which means he is protected for the rest of his educational days.  I've finally been able to talk to him about his diagnosis, and together we are learning how to navigate this unique path God has blessed us with. 

Everyday there are new challenges to face, but this is the nature of human existence for all of us.  For everyone of us life is going to be full of heartache, scary moments, and metaphorical hurricanes that make us feel defeated.  But, the beauty is that there are also moments of deep joy, moments to celebrate, and remarkable miracles which build us up again.  All moments pass, change, ebb & flow.  

I'm eternally grateful for the skills my yoga practice has given me.  Because of these tools I am able to find my center...remember to breathe...and accept that I am not in control of the world around me, but I can control how I react to it.  With a very glad and grateful heart, I am thankful for this moment.  


<3 IndigoGrrl

Reminding myself of this daily (feel free to share!)

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Recent Posts


purnam Unconditional Love the Mind Ken Wilbur chaos hurricane Namaste Change Priorities Mama Expire Purusha Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah Goals Babies Introspection Grace of God Shelf-life Transformation Steel and Stone Prakriti Wild Horses Attachment Urdhva Mukha Svanasana aging IndigoGrrl meditation Disapproving Cat Human Nature Isvara Pranidhana Carole King Observation Sacred Running Wild Compassion Sensory Issues Righteous Babe Liberation Natural Childbirth Surrender Intentions Chronic Depression Peace Fabulous School Agers Kriya Yoga Divinity True Self Integrity Buildings and Bridges Running Stroke Einstein Being Human Grief Keen Awareness Self-control Creation We Are One Swadhyaha Human Existence Breathe Reiki "I am not my body" Resolutions Breathing Goddess Out of Range Nature Leslie Kaminoff Yoga Journal Awareness Roses Sensory Processing Disorders Moms Satchidananda Cancer Christmas Programs Subtle Energy Cardio changes radiance, yoga Hatha 5 Principles of Reiki God Suffering Wizard of Oz Lifestyle Changes Birthing Energy Patanjali Creative Source Yoga Sutras Dr Usui Diabetes The Universe Ani DiFranco Light Richard Freeman Consciousness Birth Honesty Chronic pain Aversion Diagnosis Weight loss Prenatal Yoga YTT Inner-light of Awareness Upward Facing Dog Birth Story Personal Love Full Wolf Moon Pain Just for Today Whole Health Thorns Pull and Push Non-reactiveness Acceptance Hot Yoga Kindness Loving-kindness Drug-free Birthing Be Love Yin and Yang Unity Yoga Practice Gratitude Equanimity High Functioning Autism Universal Love Apathy Essence Mindfulness Political Discernment Wisdom Truth YouTube Tapah Courage 504 Roseanna Cash Flexibility Heart Flawed Organic Body Suit