IndiGlow - The Ordinary Illuminated

IndiGlow - The Ordinary Illuminated

Finding My Center After the Storm

Saturday, September 07, 2013

I'm watching Turkey Buzzards circling over my backyard as I sit and work in my office on this peaceful Saturday morning.  Through the other window I see an intricate spider web attached to the eaves of the roof swaying in the gentle breeze.  My 3 children have spent the morning playing, disagreeing, making-up, and playing some more.  There is such peace and fullness in my heart/mind at this moment.  I'm reminded of the word purnam, or "perfection," which, in this context, does not mean what we might think.  I am full...I am whole...I am perfectly content in my spirit as I observe the fluctuations of the world around me.   


After the longest Winter of my life (which bled into the Spring and even early Summer), I am refreshed to find the ground beneath my feet again.  It felt like a metaphorical hurricane swept through my life and left me completely demolished internally.  

After a month of testing in January, my son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism.  While I had suspected this for the 5 years prior to his diagnosis, there was still a part of me wishing they would tell me I was wrong on that emotional day.  

The day before I drove to Chicago for this news, I learned that my father was diagnosed with another form of cancer (he had beat Prostate Cancer years before).  My relationship with my Dad has not been a close one, and so I was left with a mixture of feelings, including grief and fear.  

It was a hell-of-a week, and I took a few days to try to assimilate all of this news.  And then...that following Friday as I was waiting in the pick-up line at school I received a terrifying call from my mother.  She was having a stroke!  I spent the next week in and out of the hospital with her...trading shifts with my brother as we worried what would happen next.  Once released, she came to live with me for a few weeks so I could care for her, which included sorting out all of her new meds, helping her learn to give herself insulin shots 4 times a day (for her out of control diabetes), cooking heart-healthy meals, and more.  I was happy to do it, but I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

By the grace of God, her stroke did not leave her completely handicapped.  While it certainly affected her, with time & rehab she regained most of her speech, balance, and abilities.  It was life-changing for her (and for all of us who love her), and she made incredible lifestyle changes in an effort to avoid another stroke.


Now, months later, we're all doing pretty damn well!  My father & I have become closer than we've been in years, and his cancer is under control at the moment.  My mother lives independently with a helper now who comes twice a week, and she continues to be stronger everyday.  My son, well...of course there is no cure for Autism, but we've been able to get him a 504 at school, which means he is protected for the rest of his educational days.  I've finally been able to talk to him about his diagnosis, and together we are learning how to navigate this unique path God has blessed us with. 


Everyday there are new challenges to face, but this is the nature of human existence for all of us.  For everyone of us life is going to be full of heartache, scary moments, and metaphorical hurricanes that make us feel defeated.  But, the beauty is that there are also moments of deep joy, moments to celebrate, and remarkable miracles which build us up again.  All moments pass, change, ebb & flow.  

I'm eternally grateful for the skills my yoga practice has given me.  Because of these tools I am able to find my center...remember to breathe...and accept that I am not in control of the world around me, but I can control how I react to it.  With a very glad and grateful heart, I am thankful for this moment.  


Namaste

<3 IndigoGrrl

Reminding myself of this daily (feel free to share!)

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Recent Posts


Tags

Birth Creative Source Acceptance Non-reactiveness Priorities Breathe Unity Steel and Stone Sacred Carole King Courage Aversion Cancer Birth Story Thorns Ken Wilbur Whole Health We Are One Babies radiance, yoga Yoga Journal Urdhva Mukha Svanasana Sensory Processing Disorders Peace purnam Dr Usui Truth Wisdom Change YouTube Being Human Transformation Shelf-life Be Love Essence Mama "I am not my body" God Ani DiFranco Cardio aging Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah Pull and Push Prakriti Natural Childbirth Out of Range True Self Pain Swadhyaha Upward Facing Dog Richard Freeman Wild Horses Birthing Resolutions Compassion Wizard of Oz Kindness Leslie Kaminoff Hot Yoga Just for Today The Universe Divinity Flexibility changes Christmas Programs Stroke Liberation Full Wolf Moon Consciousness Chronic pain Roses Introspection Loving-kindness Grace of God Weight loss Disapproving Cat Flawed Heart Running School Agers Universal Love Self-control High Functioning Autism Honesty Yoga Sutras Practice Equanimity Goddess Tapah Gratitude Organic Body Suit Moms Namaste IndigoGrrl Satchidananda Roseanna Cash Grief Kriya Yoga Awareness Human Nature Light Subtle Energy Breathing the Mind Personal Love Energy Drug-free Birthing 5 Principles of Reiki Observation Lifestyle Changes Suffering Discernment Reiki Righteous Babe YTT Surrender Patanjali Unconditional Love Integrity chaos Hatha Chronic Depression hurricane Running Wild 504 Buildings and Bridges Creation Prenatal Yoga Purusha Nature Isvara Pranidhana Political Diabetes Keen Awareness Expire Einstein Mindfulness Inner-light of Awareness Human Existence Diagnosis meditation Fabulous Goals Yin and Yang Intentions Sensory Issues Apathy Attachment Yoga

Archive